Truth, Dare or Torture?
by Bangkok-chan
Summary: This show is brought to you by Kisuke Urahara and Yoruichi Shihouin. Watch your favourite (or least favourite) characters tell the truth, do a dare, or get tortured! Strange and wrong references present. Currently pending reader reviews. Slight Yoruichi x Kisuke
1. Starting with a BANG

**The Moshi has resurfaced! I got this idea in drama class... Hope you rikey!**

**I don't own any fandoms or anything here. Just le plot.**

**Warning: Randomness, slight OOC and wrong references ahead. Rated FF (Fanfiction)**

* * *

Cheers came from the crowd as the two show hosts walked in.

"Good evening and welcome to the Truth, Dare or Torture Show! I'm Kisuke Urahara,"

"And I'm Yoruichi Shihouin! It's the first episode, so let's fill you viewers in on how it's gonna work here." Yoruichi played with her dress while Urahara was fiddling with the collar of his new suit.

"_Damn manager,"_ he thought as he recalled his hyperactive manager. He snapped out of his reverie as he realised his current situation.

"Every week we have a special guest, and he or she chooses a..." Yoruichi's glance cued Urahara into the rest of the explanation.

"Vic – volunteer!* The special guest will choose a truth, dare or torture and this vic – volunteer will have to choose between the three! If they don't comply, they will say hello to the room of Ouchies!" Urahara pointed to a heavily bolted door with ominous whirring sounds coming from it. "Sorry for breaking the fourth wall, but stay tuned for characters from other fandoms!"

"And speaking of our special guest, please welcome... Lau!" Yoruichi gestured towards a Garganta opening between the pair. An average looking Asian man stepped out of the opening followed by his petite companion. He wore his normal outfit, even the tangzhuang**. Yoruichi invited him and his companion to the empty seat next to her.

"Hey, Lau!" He and Urahara exchanged their secret handshake (think School of Rock). "How's the den?"

"It's going well. How's the shop? Heard business is going well for you, but I wanna hear it from the man himself!" He gave what looked like a thumbs up from under his sleeve.

"It's been awesome! Got this idiot helper recently, but he's a hard worker!***" The two shared a laugh.

"Sorry to interrupt... but please, tell us about yourself, Lau." Yoruichi glared at the hat 'n' clogs.

"About me?" Lau put one of his over-sized sleeves on his chin in thought, "Well, I'm from the Kuroshitsuji universe, and Kisuke and I go back a long way. I'm part of the mafia... and this is ma sister Ran-Mao! Isn't she cute?" Lau fanned himself, as if to escape the hot glares of some yandere fangirls in the audience.

"A-anyway... I'm acquianted with the resident earl Phantomhive. Here's a pic," a picture of Ciel and his bulter appeared of the once-ignored projector screen. "Ain't he adorable? Well, except for that sour expression anyway. Who'd wanna kid like that?" Lau was starting to sweat, yet he ignored the now about-to-riot-because-he-insulted-Ciel fangirls.

"Um... finishing up, I'm slightly inclined to violence ("Ya better join ma squad then!"), and well... people around me think I'm weird," He stood up and took a bow. "Thanks!"

"Well, now we're acquainted with Lau, let's get to out vic – volunteer! Please welcome Gin Ichimaru!" Urahara gestured to the Garganta opening to reveal a silver-haired man with a smile plastered on his face. Upon seeing Lau though, a frown replaced the grin.

"Hey, Urahara, didn't you say you would NOT pair me up with th-that guy!? We may have the same voice actor and everything****, but I don't like him! He's like a twin! I'M supposed to be the creepy guy here! Not him!" Gin looked like a toddler having a tantrum. He even opened his eyes.

"MEDIC! Calm down the idiot, will ya?" Yoruichi called to the stage medics, who seemed to look familiar...*****

"Whoa whoa whoa, that was an act! I'm fiiiiiine!" Gin screamed as Captain Unohana injected something purple into his arm.

"Well, that wasn't too bad was it, Ichimaru-san?" Retsu Unohana smiled as he calmed down and regained his trademark grin.

"Okay, now we're settled, how 'bout telling us about yourself, Gin?" Yoruichi had a non-Yoruichi-like smile on her face.

"Hmm... I'm the former captain of the Third Division, now I'm working under Aizen-sama... Everyone seems to think Rangiku and I are an item, but I'm not romantically with her in ANY way. I usually like to creep people out and photobomb. This is Shinsou, my Zanpakutō. Wanna see?" Yoruichi's eyes widened seeing it was pointed towards Lau.

"Enough, idiot! You're being immature. Do you want me to call the medic again or what?" Gin immediately shook his head.

"Fine, I'll shut up then. Get on with it, will ya?" Gin was starting to get impatient again.

* * *

"So, Lau, have you chosen your truth, dare and torture?" Urahara glanced at the smug grin Lau was wearing.

"Yep! Here goes: he either tells me if he honestly has not been involved with Rangiku, keep a straight face while seeing all of Rangiku's "pictures" or have Rangiku personally "torture" him." Lau enjoyed the facial expression of his counterpart. He must have hit a nerve.

"Gack!" Gin did not care if he shed his cool façade here and now. _"What should I pick?"_

* * *

**Moshi-chan: First things first!**

***: Victim-volunteer. Enough said.**

****: It's some sort of Chinese jacket thing. Look it up.**

*****: He's talking about Renji working in his shop (lol the idiot)**

******: They have the same Japanese voice actor, Kouji Yusa. They're very similar in personality though, non?**

*******: Should say now that the Fourth division is our medic crew. Dunno what that purple stuff is, though.**

**I'm finishing here because of some difficulty deciding Gin's choice. And that's where you reviewers come in! I'm hoping for at least twenty votes... and some critique. I haven't written in a long time, ne? Oh, and see if you can find Kenpachi's line!**

**Gin: This show has been brought to you by the Moki Monster channel! Be nice! You're my fangirls, right?**

**Lau: No! Support me! Vote for torture! TORTURE!**

**Rangiku: I honestly wouldn't mind that, darlings.**

**Gin: Whose side are you on!?**

**Moshi-chan: Over and out!**


	2. Blackmail Material

**Moshi-chan: Oh dear, I can't think of which story to write for next... but I felt this one was slightly neglected so I'd do a sort of promotion chappie for Christmas.**

**Urahara: She doesn't own us~**

**Moshi-chan: Hence FANfiction.**

* * *

"We're gonna take a little break for you reviewers. But between you and me, we might get him to do all three things~" Urahara told the audience.

"HEY! I heard that!" Gin may have sounded pissed off but you could tell he was shaking.

"So as a promotion chapter, we're going to watch some videos." Yoruichi revealed a small remote in her hand.

* * *

**Number 1: Phone Call from the Dead**

Ring ring, ring ring. Byakuya Kuchiki picked up the ringing phone. "Hello?" "I-it's me, Byakuya-sama." "Hisana!? But how?" "I can because dead people can do things, darling. Um, I sent a parcel to you a few days ago... It should be here by now." "Wait a second, my dear. I'll go check." At that moment, Renji walked in with a small parcel in hand. "Hey taichou, got this parcel in the mail today. It's from your wife." Byakuya signalled for him to be quiet and resumed the conversation with Hisana. "Yes dear? Y-you want me to open it now? O-ok..." Byakuya opened the parcel to find

…

…

…

…

… a pair of duckie boxers.

"W-w-w-w-what do you want me to do with these!?" Byakuya was uncharacteristically flustered while Renji was snorting milk.

…

…

…

…

"I want you to wear them outside your shikahushō for a week. Toodles~" The phone hung up.

"This is going to be a loooooooooong week." Renji was still snorting milk.

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

**Number 2: Court Trial in Las Noches**

"Court is now in session. All rise." Aizen acted the part of judge in the newly finished courtroom. Gin was next to him, as court recorder and Tōsen as the bailiff. "Today is the trial of Ulquiorra Cifer for the theft and murder of Grimmjow Jaegerjacques' catnip supply. Are the prosecution and defence ready?" "The defence is ready, Your Honour." Tesra Lindrocruz had taken the defence's bench, with Tia Harribel as co-counsel. "The prosecution has been ready for a while, Your Honour. Wake UP, Starrk!" Aaroniero Arruruerie and Coyote Starrk were in the prosecution. "Now, may the prosecution give us its opening statement?" Aizen once again suppressed his spiritual pressure to shut up Nnoitra in the gallery. "The prosecution has decisive evidence the defendant is guilty." Starrk had woken up and wanted to get this trial over and done with. "Oh? What would that be?" Aizen was intrigued. "This videotape." Starrk held up an obviously forged videotape. "Oh? Then I'm ready to give my verdict."

"OBJECTION! The def-" Tesra did not like this.

"Overruled. Ulquiorra, you are hereby declared..."

GUILTY.

"I hate my job."

"Be happy it isn't full-time."

* * *

**Number 3: Gucci Whistles**

"Taicho – u~ Can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease have this?" Rangiku had (once again) dragged her captain on one of her lengthy shopping trips. "What is it?" "It's a Gucci whistle!" Tōshiro's brain exploded from the impossibility.

"Taichou?"

(This bloodsplatter reminds me of a puzzle...)

* * *

**Number 4: Shopping**

"Sasakibe-san. Here's my shopping list for this week." Captain General Yamamoto gave Sasakibe a crumpled piece of paper. There was one thing differing from the usual: a Big Soul from McSouls. The usual things would not register well with most people (Hint: what Lisa Yadomaru reads).

(at McSouls)

"Could I please order a Big Soul?"

"Sasakibe! I thought I told you no fast food!" A dietitian walked up to the Vice Captain General.

"It's not fo-"

"I don't care!"

"Sasakibe! You're supposed to be part of the Vegetarian club!" A bunch of vegetarians stormed towards the now flustered Sasakibe.

"I told you, it's not fo-"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OMG IS THAT SASAKIBE-SAMA? LET'S GO, GIRLS!" Fangirls had found their target and were now closing in on him. Luckily, Sasakibe got his Big Soul and now could make a run for it. Unfortunately, the now slightly large mob had caught up to him.

Captain General Yamamoto got his slightly blood-splattered McSoul and Sasakibe got a one-way ticket into intensive care.

* * *

"Let me do a bet with you, wonderful viewers!" Urahara adressed the now screaming fangirls. "I bet my hat this wonderful author will make Gin do absolutely EVERYTHING Lau-chan has to offer."

"Ehehehe..." Yoruichi looked demonic, "The three fangirls/boys who give us the next truth, dare or torture will win a choice of one of these elusive items: Urahara's hat, a Gin plushie and Kon!"

(backstage)

"I AM NOT AN ITEM!" Kon was trying to break free of his restraints that were Ichigo and Ishida.

(back onstage)

"Judgement will be conducted by the wonderful author. Comments, anyone?" Yoruichi looked at a now steaming Urahara.

"DAMN MANAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"

* * *

**And there you have it. Shout out if you get the the bloodsplatter line in brackets, Yamamoto-taichou's usual weekly shopping and the "I'm not an item" line.**

**Number 1: I've had this idea for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages, it's that I just thought of targeting Byaku-chan. And Renji snorting milk.**

**Number 2: A really bad parody of Ace Attorney, and Tesra is Phoenix, by the way. Points for guessing who Tia is supposed to be...**

**Number 3: I'm overseas right now, and apparently whistles are so popular, even Gucci makes them (true story).**

**Number 4: McSouls should be an obvious parody. And so should the Big Soul. Captain General Yamamoto's interests are merely pure speculation, and so is Sasakibe's private business!**

**You heard them, it's Urahara's hat, a Gin plushie or Kon! The next truth, dare or torture wins one of the three! (He's doing all of them, by the way. I've decided.) One entry ONLY! EDIT: Next guests shall be Shinji and France from Hetalia!**

**Ciao~**


	3. Eu-streak-a

**Moshi-chan: I got impatient so here's the actual Truth, Dare AND Torture~**

**Gin: Sh-she doesn't own us...**

* * *

Urahara gave the audience one of his (evil, creepy) grins. "Well, let's initiate the actual truth, dare and torture! Lau?"

Lau nodded. "Hey, Gin, are you romantically involved with Rangiku in ANY way?"

"U-uh... yeah... *mumblemumblemumblemumble*" Gin's face was a bright crimson.

Yoruichi asked the audience, "Translation, anyone?"

A surprise person saved the day. "He says... he had a child with her that I am hiding with Kyoka Suigetsu." Aizen then gave a really gay hairflip. Fangirls screamed. Ichigo screamed, but for a different reason. Ishida remarked, "He's so gay he puts Edward Cullen to shame."

(In Twilight)

Edward sneezed.

(In the tech box)

Shuuhei Hisagi's eyes shone. "SCANDALOUS! I can sell more copies of the newsletter~ Paparazzi! I choose you!" A paparazzi (later revealed to be Soi Fon) ninja-ed out of the window and backstage. SLAP! Hisagi then had a red slap mark on his face. "Get back to work!"

"Sorry, Nanao-sama..."

(back onstage)

"How old is this child of yours?" Lau was really curious and wanted to wring every single shard of dignity out of Gin that he could. Even Ran Mao was giggling.

"*mumblemumblemumble*" Gin spoke even softer than Ron DeLite*.

"He says his child's around fifty years old. Anyway, if you want to see him, he's in Hueco Mundo at the moment. Tōsen's looking after him." There was a rumble as fangirls stampeded towards Hueco Mundo.

Gin gave a nod. Rangiku tried to hide (to no avail) what seemed to be a present for a young child.

"Wait... so you had that child when you became a captain? So... you got laid nine months earlier... when you were still a lieutenant!?" asked Lau. Gin nodded. Aizen stifled a laugh, gave Gin a pat on the back and congratulated him for getting laid before he did. Urahara and Yoruichi were laughing their heads off. Soi Fon was recording the whole thing. The whole tech crew (excluding Nanao) and the audience were applauding. Lau was proud of himself.

After everyone calmed down, Lau couldn't think of anything more to ask, so he decided to move on. "Gin, sit down... and watch." Gin, still slightly red-faced, complied.

(after the slideshow)

Lau was surprised to see Gin look as he normally did. Urahara piped in with a clever comment: "You're used to them, aren't ya? Rangiku-chan told me when she gave these to me... that you took most of them." Aizen, most of the backstage crew and the audience "le gasp"-ed. "Yeah... you're right, ya know." Gin actually said an audible and understandable sentence. "But... some of those were taken by Hisagi-kun and Izuru. I didn't like that fact. That's why... Shoot to kill, Shinsō." Shinsō shot through the projector screen and into the projector itself. Urahara remarked to a passing Hanatarou, "We need an extra $1000 for a new projector, Hanatarou." "Duly noted, Urahara-san. I'll tell the author." Hanatarou ran off.

(in the author's room)

"H-hello? Author-san?" Hanatarou looked around nervously. He'd heard bad rumours about the author... like how she was an evil demon and such. Even Urahara-san was scared of her! What sort of person was she?

"Hi~ It's your first time here, isn't it, Hanatarou-kun? So, what do you need?" The author had a wide, cheeky smile on her face, though her glasses glinted ominously. "U-um... Urahara-san wanted me to give this note to you..." Hanatarou nervously gave the author the piece of paper he wrote on. "A-A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A NEW PROJECTOR!? WHO BROKE IT!?" Hanatarou saw why they called the author a demon. "U-um, Ichimaru-san did." The author regained her composure. "Put the bill on Gin's tab, and threaten him that if he doesn't pay up in a week, I'm going to stalk him until he does. Capiche?" Hanatarou nodded nervously. "You can leave if you want now, Hanatarou-kun. I'll address the matter of the projector myself." Hanatarou left promptly.

"Everyone hates me, don't they? I might consult my brother on this matter. I do believe Hanatarou -kun has potential~**"

* * *

Urahara gave a dismissive wave. "Now... well, since we don't have a projector to continue the dare, we'll move on to the torture!"

DUN DUN DUN DUN

Yoruichi asked, "Any last words? Make it two words or less."

Gin screamed, "Help MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" before he got dragged backstage by Renji.

(in the torture chamber)

Renji threw Gin into the hole leading to the torture chamber. "Have fun~"

Rangiku had worn one of her "costumes". "Let's start, shall we?"

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

"What is that screaming?" Urahara wondered out loud. Aizen now wore an badge saying "Official Translator", listened carefully to the screaming. "It's Morse for... SAVE ME, PLEASE! ANYBODY WILL DO! BUT PLEASE, SAVE ME! Any volunteers?" Almost every single fangirl put up their hand, until the screaming became higher pitched. "M-M-MATSUMOTO! I know that scream anywhere! I'll save you! Ice powers, activate!" It was now obvious that Tōshirō had lost it, especially because he froze himself in an ice pillar. The were-going-to-volunteer fangirls now prepared for a funeral for the very popular captain. "Don't switch sides so easily!" Yoruichi was pissed at the fickle women. "Well... now what? Who's gonna save 'em?" Urahara asked no-one in particular. Aizen's strand of hair stood on end. "Receiving transmission... HEY GUYS! I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU! THERE IS A 99.99% CHANCE THAT RANGIKU IS PREGNANT AGAIN! End transmission. Hear that, Kisuke?" Urahara snapped out of a daydream and went slack-jawwed. "I'll be giving a nickname to Gin-kun, and it shall be censored. Y'know, Sōsuke?" "Yes?" "We could be friends if not for the role our original author gave us. Right Yoruichi?" Yoruichi had taken her cat form. "Yeah... but there's something I wanna give you first, Aizen-kun." "What is that?" "This." Yoruichi had hopped onto Aizen's shoulder and gave him a good scratching on the face. While they were busy, Lau looked around. "Why's everyone ignoring me all of a sudden? What about Gin and Rangiku?" Urahara came to the same realisation. "Send the backstage crew to get Gin and Rangiku out, Hanatarou. Oh, and get Sōsuke a medic too, please." "Consider it done, Urahara-san!"

* * *

"Excuse me, Kuchiki-taichou." Byakuya looked up from some paperwork. "What is it, Yamada-kun?" "U-uh... could you please send some of your crew to get Matsumoto-san and Ichimaru-taichou out of the torture chamber please? Urahara-san's request." "I'll see that it's done." The passing backstage crew ran off to hide. "Thank you very much." Hanatarou bowed and left.

* * *

"Unohana-taichou?" Captain Unohana looked up from one of her patients. "Yes, Yamada-kun?" "U-um... Aizen-taichou's face needs a medic. Could you please se - " Captain Unohana produced a syringe filled with the same purple stuff from the first chapter. "Don't worry, Yamada-kun. I'll do it myself." Hanatarou squeaked a "Y-yes, thank you." before running off faster than Kon.

* * *

"Abarai-kun, please call all of the backstage crew together." Renji was one of the unlucky few to not be able to hide in time after the "announcement" Hanatarou made. Renji called them together. "It's slightly smaller than usual. What happened?" "Nothing, Captain. Your mind's playing tricks on you." "Oh? Well... you know your mission; you heard the boy. Fetch Ichimaru-taichou and Matsumoto-fukutaichou at once!" All the gathered (except Byakuya) gulped. "Yes sir..."

* * *

Gin and Rangiku were in the twelfth round of torture when a bunch of heavy footsteps interrupted them. The backstage crew then proceeded to yell at both of them to put on some clothes (to which Gin replied that he was tied up) and to get the f*** out. Gin hadn't realised it before, but there was another door in the corner of the room. Sure, it might have felt a little breezy, but it was summer! It was too hot to put on clothes! So he threw away the last shreds of his dignity and ran out of the door (which was unlocked, by the way).

* * *

Captain Unohana walked onstage just as Yoruichi had finished up the scratching session. Aizen's face was a wreck; it looked worse than Matt Engarde's***. Captain Unohana then explained the purple stuff. "It's a liquid form of Orihime Inoue's powers. It restores whatever it's injected into to a condition as if it was never injured. It works with emotions, too. Here's another demonstration." She injected the liquid into Aizen's right cheek and almost immediately his face started to improve until it went back to it's former condition. "All that work for nothing..." Yoruichi grumbled, now back in her human form. There was a short awkward silence which ended as Gin streaked onto the stage. "I don't believe he's thinking straight, Kisuke." Urahara nodded. "That's what sex is supposed to do to you, Sōsuke." "I see... I'll have Szayel experiment that." "Anyway, I should call him off, especially because of the fangirls. SECURITY!" Ikkaku and Yumichika dashed straight to his side. "Please restrain Gin-kun until he regains his common sense." "Yes, sir!" The duo shunpo-ed in perfect sync to Gin's location and restrained him with a straightjacket. "Captain, can you call the rest of these fangirls off?" Yumichika knew they needed help if they were not going to get raped by the evil fangirls. "Sure! I love a good fight, after all!" Captain Zaraki and his vice-captain Yachiru successfully defended Ikkaku, Yumichika and their prisoner until they reached the safety of backstage.

"I guess that's the end of it, huh? I do have an opium deal to get through after this..." Lau scratched the back of his head. Yoruichi, feeling slightly ignored, said to the audience, "Next time, on Truth, Dare or Torture, our guests will be Shinji Hirako and France from Hetalia! The comp is still on for the truth, dare and torture! See ya soon~"

* * *

***: If you've played the Ace Attorney games, Ron DeLite trails off into a whisper when you speak to him sometimes. Since no-one can hear him when he does, it's a surprise Gin can speak quieter and that Aizen can understand him!**

****: I shall make myself Aizen's sibling. And I also absolutely adore Hanatarou! I do have plans for him... (creepy giggle)**

*****: Another Ace Attorney thing. If you've played the whole of Justice for All, Matt Engarde scratches his face bloody at the end of the episode. **

**You've now met most of the staff at the studio!**

**Techies: 8****th****and 9****th****Division (since Tōsen is busy at Hueco Mundo and Shunsui isn't fit to rule, Nanao is in charge) Uniform: Black T-shirts and pants.**

**Backstage crew: 6****th****Division (They do most of the dirty work) Uniform: See above**

**Security: 11****th****Division (Self-explanatory) Uniform: Suits.**

**Medics: 4****th****Division (Already revealed in first chapter) Uniform: Doctor/Nurse outfits**

**Hanatarou: He has the special job of... Urahara's personal assistant! (uniform is a suit)**

**Aizen: Now officially on the payroll as translator. (Uniform to be decided)**

**I know that Gin and Aizen are no longer captains, but I wanted to make it that it was really hard to lose the habit. I am also an avid Gin x Rangiku fan. You heard Yoru-chan, the next guests are Shinji and France! (Shinji's vic-volunteer, by the way) The comp is for the best truth, dare or torture! Three prizes; three winners! Be part of those three~ (Details in previous chapter) EDIT: Currently only accepting ones for Shinji at the moment, but thank you for those others! (I shall think to use them later on... and to reintroduce Gin!) I shall find some way to pay you back!**

**Ciao~**


End file.
